I never thought about the way it would affect me,

Only that I refused to be changed.

I didn’t know the experience would shock me into a shell,

Living in constant terror of being assailed by outside forces.

I didn’t know I thought the world so cruel.

I didn’t know that I roomed with demons,

Sharing space in my head.

I never thought I lived in fear like the rest of them,

But that’s what I’m doing here.

Now, I’m hard-boiled, beginning to crack,

Peeling away the pieces of my once fragile skin.


He said, “Stay. There’s no point in both of us sleeping alone.”

An empty bed, not made for me, 

Unsaved numbers that fill the phone.

His words nothing, but a white noise plea.

He watches me under covers tucked.

Hoping for sweet slumber,

doesn’t realize he has lost his luck.

I refuse to be another number.

Because he thinks I’ll stay, 

he doesn’t get out from under.

I’m not just another lay,

there will be no thunder.

As the door creaks open,

I’m done losing sleep over hoping.